#1

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“I’m not ready.”

“Why not?”

“Because…”

She paused; took a deep breath that filled up her lungs before exhaling softly.

“Because… I’m afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m afraid of starting again; of leaving this place that I’ve called home for so many years and going to somewhere that seems so unfamiliar now. I’ve made so many memories here. What if I’m a stranger to them when I go back home?

I’m afraid of being lonely; of not finding people who will accept me for who I am. Of finding people who take me for face value; will they even try to look deeper? To see what’s in my head and my heart?

Most of all? I’m afraid of becoming someone that I won’t like in the future; I’m afraid of changing. I’m afraid of turning into someone that I wouldn’t recognize; that you wouldn’t recognize. I’m afraid of losing myself in a place where everyone’s always busy and in a hurry. I’m afraid of forgetting this place and the me that loved this place. ”

“But change is inevitable.”

She shook her head, laughed and shrugged a bit; flustered.

“I know. It’s a bit silly.”

“It’s not silly. You’re being brave.”

She raised a brow in disbelief.

“Haven’t you been listening? I’m not brave at all; I’m terrified.”

“Bravery isn’t about not being afraid. It’s about being so afraid, you shake in your boots but are still able to take that one step forward. It’s continuing on that long and narrow road, regardless of all of your fear.

You’re brave.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

 

 

She looked at me as if I was crazy.
And then she smiled.

 


 

Ice Cream

What’s your favorite flavor of ice cream? -Day 10

Note: Not another blog post. Another fiction-y type post. Enjoy! 🙂

He was like ice cream.

Cool and refreshing on a warm, summer day. He made me laugh during my worst hours; always a smile on his handsome face. During my bleakest and loneliest of moments, he was like summer and he was marvelous.

He was like ice cream.

Smooth as milk; he had the ability to charm even the grumpiest of old ladies. With just a smile and a kind word from him, they’d blush and titter like school girls. He had that effect on everyone. He had that effect on me.

He was like ice cream.

Sweet like sugar that melted on your tongue; he was as slick as honey, as satisfying as any treat. It seemed sinful to want him too much; it seemed wrong to feel too much for one thing. As if desiring him, yearning for him would make me sick.

He was like ice cream.

Every other flavor couldn’t hold a candle to him. He wasn’t plain as vanilla, as sinful as chocolate. He was a character all his own. I had tried so many different flavors– coffee, mint chip, strawberry… But I’d always come back to him.

He was my favorite flavor.

He was like ice cream.

Cold and irritating when I wasn’t prepared for his intensity. He had the ability to hurt me; to cause me pain and to numb my senses all in the same excruciating moment. It would start dull and then reverberate into a cacophony of things I can’t even begin to describe.  But it hurt me because he hurt me. Even when I didn’t expect it, he’d end up numbing my heart with his bluntness… Breaking it without even trying.

He was like ice cream.

Transient. Fleeting. Time had no control over his ways. And when the moment came, he’d melt and disappear; evaporate into the atmosphere. Nothing would remain but remnants of the flavors of him; of his sweetness, and of his smoothness, and of his coldness. Nothing but a memory of what it was like to have him and to hold him. To love him.

He was like ice cream.

He was my ice cream.

PS: My real favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla as lame as that sounds. Sometimes I go out of my comfort zone and get peanut butter cup, chocolate chip cookie dough, and mint chocolate chip, but vanilla will always be my love. 😉

Day 8

(I didn’t post a Day 7– the one on Helplessness, because I decided to take part in the Weekly Writing Challenge. 😀 )

Teacher’s pet
Tell us about a teacher who had a real impact on your life, either for the better or the worse. How is your life different today because of him or her?
Teacher’s pet.


It always sounds like something offensive. An insult for those kiss-ass students who suck up to their teachers and give them apples (does that still happen?).


A lot of people would say I was a teacher’s pet growing up. Now that I think about it, I don’t think I was. Since I was young, I could just relate to teachers. I respected that they taught me things (most of them patiently) and that because of them I was more learned. As I was thinking about what to write for this post, I couldn’t even narrow it down to one teacher that had changed my life so significantly because if I thought about it (and I mean really thought about it), all the teachers I’ve had growing up, have been responsible (in one way or another) for making me the person that I am today.


When I got older, I considered most teachers as my personal friends. In high school and college, I hung out with my teachers outside the school setting. Maybe I was just blessed with really cool teachers but most of the time I never had a problem with them. I’ve always preferred older friends; I have a hard time to relating to people my age (my dad says I have an old soul).


That isn’t to say that I haven’t had my share of horrible teachers. Some of them were so full of ego that every time you disagreed with something they said, you’d be treated with suspicion and bias. Some of them were good people (nice and kind, etc) but just weren’t made to teach; they were so intelligent that teaching the same thing over and over again (for different classes, for example) bored them to death and they didn’t try anymore. There were teachers who made me want to stop school. There were teachers who needed (and still need to!) to be punched in the face.


And even those awful teachers have helped me become who I am today (for better or for worse, haha!). Though I wouldn’t really like to meet some of them again, I do want to thank all of them for being a catalyst in my life; they’ve taught me how to think, how to see the world, how to act, how to stand up for myself and for others…


And a bunch of other unimportant things like swearing, and good places to get breakfasts for the hungover. Ahahaha.